Thursday, October 05, 2006

When Shit Happens

Know How to Respond to Shit when it does happen. (From an email from a friend.)


Confucianism: Confucius says, "Shit happens"
Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit
Hinduism: This shit has happened before
Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah
Agnosticism: Does shit happen?
Stoicism: This shit is good enough for me
Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit...
Atheism: No Shit!
Catholicism: Shit happens because you are BAD. Now where'd I put my drink?
Protestantism: Catholics are full of shit
Methodism: Let shit happen to somebody else
Calvinism: Shit happens because you don't work hard enough
Presbyterianism: This shit was bound to happen
Episcopalianism: If shit happens, hold a procession
Lutheranism: Shit happens, but as long as you're sorry, it's okay
Anglicanism: Shit happens, but only to Lutherans
Mormonism: Excrement occurs
Baptist: You are shitting all wrong, and you're going to hell for it
Pentacostal: Praise the shit!!
Jehovah's Witness: Knock, knock. Shit happens!!
Judaism: Why does shit always happen to us?
Paganism: Shit happens for a variety of reasons
Seventh Day Adventist: No shit on Saturdays
Amish: Shit is good for the soil
Existentialism: What is shit anyway?
Hedonism: There's nothing like a good shit happening
Darwinism: Death to the shittiest
Televangelism: Your tax-deductable donation can prevent this shit from happening
Fundamentalism: There's no shit in the Bible
Creationism: Shit has only been happening since October 23rd, 4004 BC
Moonies: Only happy shit really happens
Wicca: Shit is part of the Goddess, too
Mysticism: This is some weird shit
Unitarianism: Go ahead, shit anywhere you want
Secular Humanism: Shit should happen equally to everyone
Vegetarianism: If it shits, don't eat it
Veganism: And if it shits, don't wear it either
Americanism: Who gives a shit?
Capitalism: That's MY Shit
Communism: Share this shit
Feminism: Men are shit
Voodoo: Let's stick some pins in this shit
Naziism: Ve haff vays uff makink sheet happen. All hail shit!!
Analytical Philosophy: Define "shit"
Twelve Step Program: Shit happens one day at a time
Environmentalism: Shit is biodegradable
Snappleism: Made from the best shit on earth

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

This is hilarious!

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