Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Vatican News Flash

VATICAN CITY: Just moments ago the Roman Catholic Church confirmed the rumors about a new Vatican office. Limited information has been released about the new office. The extent of the office's authority has not been disclosed, but it is assumed that its power will be universal. Vatican officials have reported that the new office is titled The Pontifical Office of the Liturgical Police.

Due to their dress of black and mandatory stylish ray bans given to each recruit upon assignment to the Pontifical Office, the Liturgical Police have already been given the alias Men in Black. Vatican Officials also reported that Benedict XVI hand picked the first squad of priests. The requirements to be part of the new office are stringent as each member must be trained in the ways of liturgy, speak latin and 5 other languages, have grey hair, and know how to blend into every culture in the world -- including women's reading circles, halloween masses, and coffee shops. Not explicitly stated, the Liturgical Police are expected to employ help from every kind of person ranging from small children, street bums, professionals, gutter punks, and teenagers. The more it looks that a person is disinterested in liturgical abuses and misuses means that it is most likely that they will be working with the Liturgical Police.

The purpose of the office is to lay the smack down on heresy and end liturgical abuses.

Above and left is a picture of the first recruits after receiving their initial assignments.

Below is a picture of some of the equipment they will be using when on pursuit of those people who participate and promote liturgical abuses.


Mike said...

Dear Santa...Please make it so!


very very very funny. There was a a couple of guys at Mass who used to call themselves the liturgical police oif which I was in-training.

MikeInNC said...

Men in Black?

Men in Black?

Men in Black?

BTW, I'm told by a very informed high-level inside source, that their slogan will not be 'To protect and to serve', but 'Say the black, do the red.'

Elizabeth J. Neal said...

Limited information has been released about the new office. The extent of the office's authority has not been disclosed, but it is assumed that its power will be universal. Vatican

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