ANYHOW TOWN, USA (2.21.07) – Earlier today an entire class of sophomores at St. John’s Catholic High were given uniform violations and sent home until said violations were corrected. The violation issued to 67 of the 68 sophomore students was due to the students’ arrival at school wearing sashes. School administration appeared to be unhappy about the incident. Principal, John Schmidt had the following to say: “I have no idea how this occurred or how this happened. I don’t know what kind of prank these kids are pulling, but I don’t like it. To make a mockery of a holy day by wearing sashes to school. This is a disgrace to the St. John name. These students are lucky I don’t suspend each and every one of them.”
As a whole, the sophomore class seemed dumb founded by the Administration's actions. Class President, Tommy Jones, commented on the situation. He said, “It wasn’t our fault. We were just doing what we were told. This was by mo means a prank of any sort. The really issue is that Mr. Clarke, our religion teacher, has a really bad lisp. We all thought he was saying that we were celebrating ‘sash Wednesday’ this week. Then just before dismissal yesterday he made a comment about ‘in sashes we come and in sashes we go.’ These accusations are clearly false, as we have all be wrongfully accused of violations we did not wrongfully commit. If the Sash doesn’t fit then the administration must acquit.”
There was one lone student who was not sent home. Apparently she thought that she would be receiving a sash today.
Mr. Clarke was unavailable for comment.