Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Chruch of the Warm Fuzzies

Welcome Friend. Looks like you stumbled upon our promotional site for the Church of the Warm Fuzzies. Maybe you are asking yourself "What is the Church of the Warm Fuzzies?" Well, we are a loosely based biblical believing church located down the road from you -- that's right we have a number of branches through out the world. Although we are a nondenominational church, our church and our followers can be found in every denomination. We do not limit ourselves to Baptists, Methodists, Lutherans, or Catholics. We are a church of all for all. In other words, we are not exclusive, but we are highly inclusive.

Maybe you are curious as to whether or not this church is for you. We will leave that up to you. Here are a few of our tenets:
1. Struggle with sin? No problem. Really it is no problem. Come to us and we will tell you that it is not your fault that you sin. You were made that way. Whatever sin you struggle with is surely not bad. We will gladly tell you that what once was thought to be sin and evil is really a positive good that needs to be embraced. We want you to feel good about yourself.

2. Struggle with guilt? No problem again. Guilt is a by product of those sins that aren't really sins. Don't feel guilty. Fell Glad!

3. Don't like being challenged? No worries. We don't challenge our members in any way shape or form. We accept you for who you are and where you are, and we don't expect you to change.

4. Don't like the a certain Gospel teaching? That's cool too. The Bible is just a list of suggestions. So feel free to pick and choose what every you like.

5. Like to Sing? We have a church for you. Like to kneel and pray and do penance? I'm sure we can work something out.

6. Have a complaint about our church? Feel free to express your opinions. We will surely accommodate your views and wishes. After all it is all about you. (warning: if views expressed are not in line with our inclusive nature, you will be persecuted and branded a bigot or some kind of phobe.)

7. Our motto is "It's all about feeling good on the inside." So if you aren't feeling good on the inside come to us and we will do what ever it takes to make you feel good.

I hope to see you around our church sometime.

Have a feel good day,
Pastor Rule Bitter.


Michael D. said...

Don't they call that the Unitarian Church?

Anonymous said...

Pastor Rule Bitter? I thought Joel Osteen was the pastor there.

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