Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Introducing the Liturgical Triage.

Rome: Anounced in a less then attended press conference, the Pontifical Office of the Liturgical Police revealed the Special Forces unit called Triage. This is the next step the Vatican is taking in order to end Liturgical abuses. Discenting Priests and Liturgist beware. Any of the specially trained Triage team may be at your church.

Name: Smithers


Area of Expertiese: Blessings

Powers: Has the entire two volume "Rites" and "Blessing" books commited to memory. One bad-ass holy water sprinkler guarenteed to soak any congregation with the holy water of our Baptizism.

Special Ability: Able to bless a house in under 2.5 seconds.

Weakness: Puppies

Tag Line: "Don't fear me! Fear the Lord!"

Name: John

Alias: "Incensoratist"

Area of Expertiese: Rubrics

Powers: Knows what to say and when to say it in the mass, and he isn't afraid to confront and make right a dissenting priest or liturgist. Comes equiped with a incense launching censor. His goal is to restore all the missing "smells and bells" at the parish near you.

Special Ability: Able to blend the perfect mix of incense for any liturgical occasion without the aid of measuring devices.

Weakness: New Speak

Tag Line: "Git a Wiff of This!"

Name: Liturgical Experience Machine
Alias: LEM, Pope Johnny V ( name from Jeff at The Curt Jester

Area of Expertise: Liturgy

Powers: Can answer any question asked of him about the liturgy.

Special Power: Dressed as the pope to serve as a constant reminder that the Pope can tune into the frequency driving LEM and see what LEM is seeing. Also has laser vision in order to burn any heritic on the spot.

Weakness: Water

Tag Line: "Viva Il Papa!"

Name: Father Ron *****Profile Coming Soon*****

Don't forget the Check out the honorary member over at the Aggie Catholic: the Liturginator.

This Post was inspired by Chris over at Aggie Catholic


Jeff Miller said...

I thought LEM was Pope Johnny V

KaleJ said...

From the initial look, Fr Ron looks like "the infiltrator".

The one handed clapping, the blah looking background, this priest could infiltrate even St. Joan's in Minneapolis and gain their trust. Then quietly wresting the liturgy back to its proper order.

A lean, not so mean, liturgical machine.

KaleJ said...

Or the "Ron-Father" known for his abilities to make both his friend and foe squirm in their seats.

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