Tuesday, May 08, 2007

It Is No Surprise ...

When the goal of a relationship has moved from marriage to sex or from family to couple, the bar has been significantly lowered. Less is expected from each party in the relationship. To move from marriage to sex means commitment is not necessary. It is to move from a thing of permanence to a thing of passing and impermanence. It is no surprise that when the focus of a relationship is on an impermanent act that the marriage becomes an impermanent structure.

When the expectation for a spouse has gone from a person who is hard working, devoted, loving, caring, funny, disciplined, committed to the mere lowly expectation of a fleeting feeling of making one’s self happy, it is of no surprise that marriages have become fleeting – lasting almost as long as the feeling lasts.

When people spend more time planning the wedding than planning their marriage, it is no surprise when the marriage fails because no one bothered to plan for it.

When people are more concerned about the foundation and structure of their house than the foundation and structure of their marriage it is no surprise when the marriage collapses because no one bothered to inspect the structure.

When people spend more time investing and trying to obtain what it is they do not have than investing in what they already have it is no surprise that a marriage goes bankrupt because nothing was invested in it.

When equality in a relationship supersedes the collaborative nature and mission or goal of any relationship, it is no surprise that the mission fails because there can’t be two commanders on the same mission. The result is a divided house.


Anonymous said...

And how many serious relationships have you been in? Moving from family to couple is not a danger. Focusing solely on your relationship with your spouse is not a sin, its a blessing. And if equality in a marriage is bad, then why is another name for your spouse "partner"? Wake up out of the 1800's. A marriage's foundation is friendship and I don't have any friends where one is superior or the commander of me. My husband and I work side by side, hand in hand. We have been married in a christian home for 26 years. I still have my name and he works at home with the kids. Are we headed for divorce?

When you get some experience, then come back and feel free to give advice about relationships and sex.

Paul Cat said...

Dear Anonymous,

1. Moving from Family to couple is a danger. For it CAN, if not careful, turn the relationship in upon itself. By keeping focus on the larger picture it is more difficult for a marriage to become self-centered or really couple-centered.

2. I never said anything about sin. But if you want...focusing solely on your relationship with your spouse is a sin. It is called idolatry. People have a tendency to want to take their relationship out of the real world and make it into something it shouldn't be. In short, the danger is that people sometimes idolize their partner and when the realize their spouse isn't who they think he or she is it all comes crashing down upon the naivety as they realize that people aren't perfect.

3. Partner. Have you looked up the word "Collaborative" in the dictionary? Equality... you mean like 50% from the husband and 50% from the wife? That equals 50% of a marriage. I don't think I want to marry a person who is only going to put half into the marriage. I don't want to marry a person who is equal with me. I know how lazy and bad I am. I want someone better than me. I want someone who will put 100% into the marriage so that I can put 100% into the marriage.

4. 1800's hmm. LAst I checked the foundation for marriage was love and commitment. Friendship stems from love. But I do bet you have friends that take the lead and make plans without you. I bet you have been to friend's parties that you had little say in planning. So yes, there are times when your friends (if you want to be part of the mission) are the commanders.

5. I bet if you examined the relationship instead of making acusatory ejaculations against what I wrote you will find that it is closer to what I mentioned above. You might work hand in hand and side by side, but there is only one mission (to get to heaven) and a number of submissions which both husband and wife must take the lead on.

6. I pray you are not headed for divorce.

7. Congratulations on 26 years of marriage!!!! That is GREAT! My parents were married 35 before my father died. I hope you have 26 more.

8. Experience. Yeah this is always a tricky one. Kind of like how I have never done crack-cocaine but I know the dangers surrounding it. SO I should never tell a crack addict how to live his or her life, because I have never been a crack addict. Next time my friend comes to me complaining that her spouse/boyfrind/partner beat her I will simply take your advice and say, "I'm sorry friend I have no experience in an abusive relationship, so I cannot help you. After I have the experience of being in an abusive relationship I will be more than happy to tell you to get out of your relationship. Till then, I must refrain quite because I have no experience."

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