Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Preparing for Christmas Part 3: Preparing to Shop

As you continue readjusting your body for the early morning hours you can also begin working on building your tolerance to the extreme weather conditions you are likely to encounter come Black Friday: rain, snow, sleet, cold, extreme cold, hail, hurricanes, tornados, squalls, nor’easters, floods, tsunami, and volcanic eruptions. This is just the reality that any brave soul must endure if they want to get the hottest deals and be able to out last his of her opponent and fellow shoppers. If you listen to this advice I assure you that when others head for the car to ‘get out the weather’ or get out of line to get a hot beverage, you will still be standing strong and will waver not in the most sever conditions, as you will surely be able to give frost the bite.

First, start taking cold showers several times a day. Don’t be a sissy and start with hot water and slowly turn off the hot water till the water is cold -- cool and lukewarm water should not be considered. So just start off with cold water. This will not only help you prepare for the hours you will be standing outside in the cold humid pre-sunrise hours, but you will actually save on your energy bill (as you won’t have to use hot water for showering), cut down on water consumption (even three cold water showers uses less water as you will spend less time showering), and have more time throughout the day as you will take very fast showers. Showers at this point are purely functional: to build tolerance and to clean one’s self. Showers are not for enjoyment during the holiday shopping season. You can enjoy your showers 11 other months out the year.

Second, once your body has become used to cold showers, take an old aluminum wash tub fill it with ice and water and stand in it beginning with 10 minute intervals and working your way up to one hour. You can practice this at home, at work, or at school. People will not understand why you are carrying a large aluminum wash-tub with you or why you are standing in ice water. You will likely receive many strange looks, but don’t let that bring you down: they don’t understand the seriousness of the holiday shopping season. Plus, after their children get beat up at school for not having the newest and coolest toys after Christmas, they will likely be asking you for advice. Fell free to pass along the information you learn here. If you haven’t realized it by now, this exercise will prepare your feet for standing in the snow. If it isn’t snowing it will most certainly be cold and raining, which will soak your shoes after standing outside for hours waiting for the stores to open. Cold wet shoes are not a pleasant experience, especially if you have to wear those shoes all day, so this exercise helps prepare your feet.

Third, after completing the feet exercise, begin working on your total body. That’s right. Full body ice baths. Progress in the same manner as with your feet. This will prepare your entire body to brave and tolerate the most extreme weather conditions that you will encounter on Black Friday.

Fourth, this final exercise is perhaps the most difficult. Have your friends sneak up behind you and dump buckets of ice water over you multiple times through the course of the day (Think of the NFL and the Gatorade baths that the coaches get after winning the Super Bowl.). It is best that your friends surprise you at multiple times of the day: at the water cooler, in bed with your spouse, driving your kids to school, etc . . . This will teach you to, like the Boy Scouts, always be prepared. No sudden weather change will catch you off guard.

Now, if you follow this advice that I pass on here, I assure that you will be able to out last Jack Frost himself, be able to climb Mt Everest wearing nothing but flip-flops and a Hawaiian shirt and shorts, and be able to help old ladies cross the street. I guarantee that the advice given above is trust worthy and that it does work if you don’t short change your preparation. I am not only the writer but also a practitioner of the above exercises.

Next: Decorations and Media

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