Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Will the Real Saint Nick Please Stand Up?

Inspired by Caption Contest #40 from the IC.

Will The Real Saint Nick Please Stand Up?
(Set to the tune of Eminem's 'The Real Slim Shady')

May I have your attention please?
May I have your attention please?
Will the real Saint Nick please stand up?
I repeat, will the real Saint Nick please stand up?
We're gonna have a problem here..

Y'all act like you never seen Saint Nick before
Jaws all on the floor like a crook, like John Wayne just burst in the door
and started whoopin him worse than before
they first hitin’ and punchin’, throwin him down the bar (Ahh!)
It's the return of the... "Ah, wait, no way, you're kidding,
he didn't just say what I think he did, did he?"
And Dr. Phil said... nothing you fools!
Dr. Phil’s all in the head, he's on Oprah and on the TV (Ha-ha!)
Everyone loves Ole’ Saint Nick
[*vocal turntable: chigga chigga chigga*]
"Saint Nick, I can’t get enough of him
Look at him, walkin around giving gifts to the world
Givin’ gifts to the you-know-who," "Yeah, but he's a saint though!"
Yeah, I probably got a little jealousy here up in my headless
But no worse, than what's goin on down the street in bars.
Sometimes, I wanna get on TV and just let loose, but can't
but it's cool, did you just see the winter’s flock of goose
"My mom was kissing Old’ Saint Nick, givin a kiss on the lips."
And if I'm lucky, He’ll leave me presents that I can’t miss.
And that's the message that we deliver to little kids
And expect them not to know who that Ole Saint Nick is
Of course they gonna know from CCD who Saint Nick is
By the time they hit fourth grade
They got the Discovery Channel don't they?
"The History of Santa" Well, some of us would prefer to just drink Fanta.
Milk and cookies for the old man Santa
But I wish he would eat some celery
He needs to be around for a long to time, you see.
If hope floats then does he have the antidote.
All the People sing the chorus and it goes,

[Chorus: (repeat 2X)]

'Cause He’s the Saint Nick, yes he’s the real Santa
All you other Saint Nicks are just imitating
So won't the real Saint Nick please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Dear Paul,
I would like to hear a live rendition of the Real Saint Nick upon my return.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...