Thursday, January 17, 2008

Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

Over at the IC. She and the Spouse of the IC (SIC) have been posing the question to different theologians, saints, and congregations "Why did the chicken cross the road?" You can find both posts here: Part 1 and Part 2. Now the Curt Jester has some responses from other theologians on the same question following in the IC fashion. However, I saw that the posts were forgetting about our separated brethren , so I thought, how would other religions answer the question "Why did the chicken cross the road?" Here is how I imagine they might answer the question:

  • Confucianism: Confucius says, "The Chicken crossed the road because the chicken crossed the road."
  • Buddhism: “There is no road.”
  • Hinduism: “This chicken used to be somebody on the other side of the road”
  • Islam: “The Chicken crossed because it was the will of Allah”
  • Agnosticism: “Did the chicken really cross the road? Is there even a chicken? Is there even a road?”
  • Materialism: "There is nothing else but chickens and roads."
  • Atheism: “There is No Chicken and there has never been a road.”
  • Catholicism: “The Chicken crossed the road because it was Friday and we were having a Lenten fish fry. Where’s my beer?”
  • Protestantism: “The Chicken crossed the road because it says so in the bible.”
  • Presbyterianism: “The chicken crossed because it was bound to happen.”
  • Episcopalianism: “The chicken crossed the road because it was part of a liturgical procession.”
  • Jehovah's Witness: Knock, Knock, "Have you heard the good news about chicken?”
  • Judaism: “It wasn’t kosher. No get out of my face.”
  • Darwinism: “The chicken crossed the road because it was in its third stage of the evolutionary process from the islands off the cost of the cape and shared a common ancestor as the kiwi bird."
  • Televangelism: "That Chicken is tax deductible if you donate it now."
  • Creationism: “because the chicken was made that way since August 12, 4004 BC.”
  • Existentialism: “What is a chicken anyway and for that matter what is a road?”
  • Baptist: “That chicken crosses that road all wrong. I’ll show that chicken how to cross that road.”
  • Paganism: “All worship the mighty goddess chicken”
  • Pentacostal: “Praise God, the chicken crossed the road!”
  • Fundamentalism: “There are no chickens in the bible.”
  • Vegetarianism: “That poor bird! You animal pigs! You should eat tofu!”
  • Mormanism: “The Chicken crossed the road.”
  • Wicca: “The chicken is goddess too.”
  • Moonies: “That’s one happy chicken.”
  • Capitalism: “Is that the best price you can give me for a road crossing chicken?”
  • Mysticism: “The chicken crossed the road by not crossing the road.”
  • Americanism: “Where’s the nearest Popeyes?”

6 comments:

Jeff Miller said...

Funny List!

Though I am not sure what Joseph Smith had to do with Jehovah's Witnesses.

Liberalism - The chicken crossed the road because it was a free range chicken.

lgd0708 said...

May I be so bold as to add a few?

Feminism: "To get away from the rooster - chickens don't need roosters to be fulfilled!"

Communism: "We own the chicken and we own the road."

Environmentalism: "Bad chicken! Crossing the road increases it's carbon footprint and damages our fragile planet."

The Ironic Catholic said...

Nice job Paul!

I'm still smiling at the last one.

We should collect all these together!

Gillimer said...

Discordian: Five tons of flax!

Ebeth said...

Great laugh! Thanks for this....lots of fun!

Ebeth

Heather said...

REALSIM: The chicken wanted to, it could, and it did!

SMARTASSISM: Who cares why the chicken crossed the road?!

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