Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Breaking News from the Pontifical Office of the Liturgical Police

Shreveport, LA (Tuesday) – Earlier today known liturgical innovator, Sister Sally ‘The Drum Beater’ Richard was apprehended in Shreveport, Louisiana. The Pontifical Office of the Liturgical Police had been tracking her for months before locating her in Louisiana at a local Catholic church where she was in the process of implementing puppet masses and milk and cookie liturgical celebrations.

The Pontifical Office of the Liturgical Police, working in conjunction with the local Liturgy Watch of Louisiana, the office came upon her residence and seized her along with other known liturgical innovators Sister Dana ‘The Dancing Queen’ Smith and Brother John ‘the Clown’ Doe along with their liturgical contraband.

“This has been a great day for liturgical efforts”, said Father Ron Ronson, director of the Pontifical Office of the Liturgical Police at a press conference earlier today. “These innovators will be brought to justice. This has also been a fine example of the coordinating effort between an international office and a local volunteer branch of the Church. Liturgical innovators beware, as your days are numbered.”

It is being reported that the innovators will under go a strong rehabilitation somewhere in an unknown location in Europe. There, according to the press release from the Liturgical Police, they will read the writing of Vatican II without commentary, Alexander Schmemann, Aidan Nichols, Aidan Kavanaugh, David W. Fagerburg, and Pope Benedict XVI.

The Liturgical Police seized the following from the premises:

16 puppets
24 leotards
10 streamers
4 wine glasses
5 incense bowls
13 bags of oreos
10 gallons of milk
15 bags of Pita bread
4 large inflatable balls
16 pairs of tap shoes
12 sets of liturgical garb in non-liturgical colors
4 cases of kool-aid
5 cases of clown make up
3 pairs of clown shoes
15 red noses
3 sets of multi colored hair wigs
4 copies of unapproved made up liturgical texts
5 liturgical skits or plays

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