Thursday, April 10, 2008

Things Not To Do in the Comprehensive Oral Final for Your MA in Theology But Might Be Fun if You Did

Things Not To Do in the Comprehensive Oral Final for Your MA in Theology But Might Be Fun if You Did:
  1. Sing the opening to Jesus Christ Superstar for the answer to the first question.
  2. When the Oral exam begins, ask the panel if they will join you in a spirit filled prayer (shecameinahondashecameinahondashecameinahondashecameinahondaaljksdflkjasdfmumbublemumbble). Let the prayer last 12 of the 15 mins aloted for the oral.
  3. Insist on answering every question using solely interpretive dance.
  4. After each question grab your head as if in pain, moan, gently rock back and forth in your chair, and repeat over and over "does not compute, does not compute, information unretrievable, information unretrievable."
  5. Wear only a thong to your Oral exam, then mid way through the Oral exclaim, as if you just realized, "My Clothes! Where are my clothes! I thought this was a bad dream!"
  6. Let the phrase "The Pascal Mystery" be the answer to every question asked of you.
  7. When a panelist asks a question begin all your answers by saying, "Yes, that is interesting. What exactly would Jesus do?"
  8. Insist that the panelist refer to you by your Hebrew name Mahershalalhashbaz. Tell them its spelled how its pronounced.
  9. Answer your questions sung in Chant Style using Gregorian Method Mode 1.
  10. Fake an ecstasy.

3 comments:

Domini Sumus said...

Must...try...these! lol!

The Ironic Catholic said...

Very clever! I had a friend who did her dissertation defense 9 months pregnant, who kept saying she would fake water breaking if it got too rough in there! (Wasn't necessary--she passed the exam and gave birth 5 days later).

Marjorie said...

Shortly after oral exams for Canon Law licentiate summer 2007, I realized I was missing one of my very large loop earrings. "When," I worried, "did that thing disappear?" I will never know if the entire hour of oral exams my poor professors wondered more about my missing earring than my worrisome answers to their questions. And so it goes.

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