Tuesday, July 22, 2008

A Letter from the Board

Dear MA Degree Seeking Student,

Thank you for your hard work you have done at the university over the past few years. In light of the information that you have penned in answering the questions on your comprehensive final two days ago, the board has decided to deny you the opportunity of receiving your MA in Theology from the university for the following reasons:
1. Jesus is 2 natures in 1 person and not 2 persons in 1 nature.
2. The Trinity is 3 persons in 1 being and not 1 person in 3 beings. Also, it is not appropriate to refer to the Trinity as the ‘Three Stooges’.
3. Vatican II was a church council and not the name of a Pope.
4. ‘Savoir-faire’ is not an economic theory, but it refers to the method chosen by the catechesist to hand on the faith.
5. Jesus did not ‘Bitch-out’ the Pharisees.
6. Answering a multi-part question with the sole phrase “The Pascal Mystery” is unacceptable for a person seeking a degree of higher learning. Besides the word is “Paschal” and not “Pascal”.
7. The Holy Spirit can be referred to as the Wind of God or even the Breath of God, but it is not correct to refer to God’s sending of the Spirit as God “breaking wind. The Holy Spirit is not a “Holy Flatulent”, as you have so eloquently stated in your final.
8. The Incarnation refers to the Word becoming flesh in the person of Jesus. Do not refer to the incarnation as ‘Mary’s being knocked up by God.” This is inaccurate.
9. The ‘Symphony of the Faith’ is not a “boring piece of music written by an old dead German-Dude.” The Symphony of Faith refers to the harmonious relationship between the Word of God, worship, community and service.
10. The self-emptying of God known as ‘kenosis’ does not refer to a ‘self-emptying bowel movement of God.’
In light of the above sampling and the questionable and sketchy information you have written, the board is not only denying you your degree but is also suggesting that you do not pursue any further education in the area of Theology. Perhaps a bank teller might be a more suiting profession.

Thank you,
The University Board.

4 comments:

Meredith Gould said...

Thanks for today's much needed and welcomed laugh. So your exam went well? Your readers want to know. Well, I do...

Jeff Miller said...

Must not have been a Jesuit U.

Eleigh said...

Perichoresis.

Adrienne said...

Too funny!!!!!!

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