Monday, July 07, 2008

Words Women Use: Advice to Men

This was on my pint glass the other night at a local pub on Magazine Street in uptown New Orleans.

Words Women Use!
1) FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right, and you need to shut up.
2) FIVE MINUTES: If she is getting dressed this means half an hour. FIVE MINUTES is only FIVE MINUTES if you have been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
3) NOTHING: This is the calm before the storm. This means something and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with NOTHING usually end in FINE (see 1).
4) GO AHEAD: This is not a dare, not permission. Don't do it.
5) LOUD SIGH: This is not actually a word but a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A LOUD SIGH means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here arguing with you about NOTHING (refer back to #3 for the meaning of NOTHING.)
6) THAT'S OKAY: This is one of the most dangerous statements a womean can make to a man. "THAT'S OKAY" means she want to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
7) THANKS: A woman is thanking you -- do not question or faint. Just say you're welcome.
8) WHATEVER: Is a woman's was of saying "%@&* YOU!"
9) DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, I GOT IT: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a mean asking "what's wrong"! -- for the woman's response refer to #3.

6 comments:

marti1899 said...

haha this is great! good luck on your finals!

Meredith Gould said...

Absolutely accurate lexicon! Should be added to Pre-Cana and Marriage Prep curricula.

Angela said...

Ah, so true.
Thanks for the laugh. :D

Nadja Magdalena said...

Yikes! I actually say things to my husband like, "Go on, but you may live to regret it", and "You're making a big mistake" and, "I don't want to talk to you right now". My "that's okay", "go on" and "nothing" actually mean what they imply. Omigosh, no wonder I have so few female friends...maybe they can't understand me!

Jen M said...

That is so true! Maybe I am a girl after all!

Arkanabar T'verrick Ilarsadin said...

My wife also says that this is entirely and completely accurate.

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