Tuesday, October 28, 2008

F-Word Project Draft One

[Thanks for all the input and suggestions. This is what I came up with for the students that drop F-Bombs. The prefect of discipline approved it so it is good to go. Of course they would be hand writing this entire piece. I hope you enjoy. Also, feel free to modify and use as you need.]

I am here after school with Mr. Catalanotto because I have a small and very limited vocabulary that is not repetitive of the education I am and have been receiving at Jesuit High School. Because I have expressed such a limited vocabulary in the ear-shot of Mr. Catalanotto, it has been deemed by him that I have been wasting the $6450 my parents or guardians spend on my yearly tuition so that my vocabulary won’t be limited; in other words, I have been stealing from my parents by not developing my verbal skills to their maximum capacity and taking full advantage of my educational time here at Jesuit. Since I have been wasting time here at Jesuit as well as my parents’ or guardians’ money, I have in turn developed a vocabulary that is insufficient and non-compatible with being Intellectually Competent as stated in the Profile of a Graduate at Time of Graduation.

Furthermore, I used a word which goes by any number of pseudonyms, but for the sake of brevity the word which hinders my vocabulary and keeps it in atrophy is the ‘f-word.’ The use of this particular word makes me sound ignorant. No, it makes me sound dumb. No, worse, the use of this four letter word makes me sound stupid. Nay, yet, this foul, venomous, tasteless, tactless, uncouth word that is the phlegm of acuity makes me sound as if I am gutter trash; the lowest dredges of a society who care not to better themselves or the world about them but care only for their selfish selves which makes them incapable with being a Man-for-Others as expressed in the Jesuit High School Mission Statement and school Honor Code.

The reason it hinders my vocabulary is due to the word’s unspecific and over use in our society. Too often my friends and I do not know what we mean when we use this word, as it has become so common place in the dialect of teenage boys today that its original meaning is not even considered when uttered. It is today most often used as an insult and expletive, and like all expletives and insults, it should be left unsaid and purged from my vocabulary. In the mean time, as the process of cleaning one’s mouth takes time, I will help others better understand this word and how it is used. Below are examples of how the word is used as a noun, adverb, adjective, transitive verb, and intransitive verb as well as what I mean by using the ‘f-word’ in that particular part of speech.
The ‘f-word’ can be used as a noun:
(Write a sentence where the f-word is used as a noun)
In this sentence, when used as a noun, the f-word means: (write what it means)

The ‘f-word’ can be used as an adverb:
(Write a sentence where the f-word is used as an adverb)
In this sentence, when used as an adverb, the f-word means: (write what it means)

The ‘f-word’ can be used as an adjective:
(Write a sentence where the f-word is used as an adjective)
In this sentence, when used as an adjective, the f-word means: (write what it means)

The ‘f-word’ can be used as a transitive verb:
(Write a sentence where the f-word is used as a transitive verb)
In this sentence, when used as a transitive verb, the f-word means: (write what it means)
The ‘f-word’ can be use as an intransitive verb:
(Write a sentence where the f-word is used as an intransitive verb)
In this sentence, when used as an intransitive verb, the f-word means: (write what it means)
Moreover, since the ‘f-word’ is too general a word and hinders my verbal development and limits my ability to communicate effectively with others around me, here is a list of 20 other words, their definitions and sentences used with each word that help explain the word’s definition in the context of the sentence that I can use in place of the foul four letter ‘f’ word.


I understand that if I use this word again in the presence of Mr. Catalanotto I will be receiving a three-day teacher detention to be served with him after school.

Student Signature: Date:

Teacher Signature: Date:

Parent Signature: Date:


Adoro said...

I so truly wish you could hear me applauding. And watch me falling out of my chair in laughter...well done!

Anonymous said...

Very good! LOL

The Ironic Catholic said...

Whoa! Nice work!

(You want the word pseudonyms in paragraph 2, line 1, though.)

Meredith Gould said...

Absolutely brilliant on every possible level, starting with didactically. You rock!

Christina said...

This is awesome! I will have to share this with some of my colleagues at my school.

You forgot to mention, however, that the f-bomb is also the only infix (as opposed to a prefix or suffix) in the English language.

As in: fan-f***ing-tastic!

Anonymous said...

Yeah!!! I wonder if any of my friends at Jesuit have your classes... Can you please send that over to the Jesuit cheerleaders? I'm on the squad, and... some of the girls and guys need to learn not to say all of the curse words!

Kelly Scott Franklin said...

All that's missing is some diagrammed sentences and a conjugation chart for the word in question.

Paul Cat said...


I can't say if any of your friends have my class, but I can say there are a number of people at Jesuit -- including those not on the squad -- that need to learn not to swear.

Unknown said...

As a teacher myself I'm not a fan of students cursing, of course - but the very versatility of the word could be considered an advantage rather than too general. After all, I bet the student could give you the word's meaning in all the many grammatical cases. It's too bad we don't have words as versatile that aren't dirty - I guess that without prurient interest it's not as likely to happen.

Funny, though.

Kasia said...

This is absolutely brilliant. I will be linking...

Kasia said...

I think I would say "indicative" instead of "repetitive" in the second line, though...

Mary Liz said...

Brilliant, Paul! Should I ever become a teacher I will most certainly remember this :-)

Nadja said...

Absolutely brilliant. Makes me wish the whole country was subject to your rule. My father, who is 64, was recently told by his employer, "Get your f**king face out of my sight." Can you imagine? Maybe if I wasn't living such an isolated existence (homeschooling mom, no tv/radio/newspapers)I would be less shocked.

Fr. Erik Richtsteig said...

Outstanding! I am forwarding this to several teacher friends.

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