Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Will The Real Santa Please Stand Up: Other Faith Traditions Share Their Views On Santa

How do the various ideologies and faith traditions view the man in the big red suit?  Here is how I imagine some might comment on Santa.
  • Vegetarianism: “That brute! Enslaving those cute reindeer. I bet that fur isn’t even faux. Where is my bucked of fake animal blood?”
  • Mormonism: “Have you heard that Santa came to America after Jesus rose from the dead to give gifts to the lost Jewish tribes who live in America?”
  • Buddhism: “There is no Santa”
  • Hinduism: “Santa is all of us.”
  • Fundamentalism: “There is no Santa in the Bible. Besides, Jesus was born in the spring, so we celebrate Christmas then.”
  • Darwinism: “Santa evolved from a common ancestor to the Red Lemur.”
  • New-Age: “Santa is the goddess.”
  • Episcopalianism: “Check out those kicking threads! He’s really gay you know.”
  • Catholicism: “Santa. You mean SAINT Nick! Where’s my eggnog?”
  • Moonies: “Santa is so happy.”
  • Agnosticism: “I don’t know if we can be certain as to whether or not there really is or ever has been a person who fits the definition of the person we know as Santa.”
  • Materialism: “I want a new iPhone.”
  • Atheism: “There is no God and therefore can be no saints and no Santa.”
  • Judaism: “Quick, Abraham, light the menorah.”
  • Capitalism: “Buy Santa! Buy!”
  • Rationalism: “Santa is a made up human convention so that parents can trick their kids into behaving nicely for one month out the year.”
  • Confucianism: “To give is to be Santa.”
  • Islam: “INFIDEL!”
  • Mysticism: “Santa is as Santa does.”
  • Pentecostalism: “Praise God! It’s Santa!”
  • Existentialism: “Who is this ‘Santa’ of which you speak?”

3 comments:

Galactic Catholic said...

lol

Lauren said...

this is awesome... I especially love the materialist view on Santa!

Trip C said...

Awesome and very funny! One minor clarification, though. You seem to be confusing Jehovah’s Witnesses with Mormons. The Mormons believe that Jesus came to the Americas, not the JWs.

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