Will The Real Santa Please Stand Up: Other Faith Traditions Share Their Views On Santa

How do the various ideologies and faith traditions view the man in the big red suit?  Here is how I imagine some might comment on Santa.

• Vegetarianism: “That brute! Enslaving those cute reindeer. I bet that fur isn’t even faux. Where is my bucked of fake animal blood?”
• Mormonism: “Have you heard that Santa came to America after Jesus rose from the dead to give gifts to the lost Jewish tribes who live in America?”
• Buddhism: “There is no Santa”
• Hinduism: “Santa is all of us.”
• Fundamentalism: “There is no Santa in the Bible. Besides, Jesus was born in the spring, so we celebrate Christmas then.”
• Darwinism: “Santa evolved from a common ancestor to the Red Lemur.”
• New-Age: “Santa is the goddess.”
• Episcopalianism: “Check out those kicking threads! He’s really gay you know.”
• Catholicism: “Santa. You mean SAINT Nick! Where’s my eggnog?”
• Moonies: “Santa is so happy.”
• Agnosticism: “I don’t know if we can be certain as to whether or not there really is or ever has been a person who fits the definition of the person we know as Santa.”
• Materialism: “I want a new iPhone.”
• Atheism: “There is no God and therefore can be no saints and no Santa.”
• Judaism: “Quick, Abraham, light the menorah.”
• Capitalism: “Buy Santa! Buy!”
• Rationalism: “Santa is a made up human convention so that parents can trick their kids into behaving nicely for one month out the year.”
• Confucianism: “To give is to be Santa.”
• Islam: “INFIDEL!”
• Mysticism: “Santa is as Santa does.”
• Pentecostalism: “Praise God! It’s Santa!”
• Existentialism: “Who is this ‘Santa’ of which you speak?”