[satire]Just spent this past weekend at the Archdiocesan Youth Conference for the Archdioceses of Galveston-Houston. I've been inspired to become a youth speaker after the event. Here is my overall structure for my talks that I will deliver. Let me know what you think.
Title of talk
Length of talk: 60 min
I. Obligator song with handmotions (of heaven) or game that has nothing to do with the talk. (5 Min)
II. Tell some jokes and stories that have nothing to do with the talk (20 min)
a. Local crappy sport team.
b. My local crappy sports team.
c. Ethnic jokes, but only if they are about my ethnicity or being Catholic
d. A story that will later embarrass your child, if they knew you were telling this story, and cause years of therapy and trust issues.
e. Some tragedy that happened in your life.
III. Talk about your spouse (10 min)
a. Guy speaker: say how much you love your wife and how holy and perfect she is and how you are blessed to have her as your spouse. Show picture of you and your spouse being cute. The goal is to make all the girls go "awwwwww" and "oooooooo" with delight.
b. Girl speaker: say how much your husband loves you and all the cute things he does for you. The goal is to make all the girls go "awwwwww" and "oooooooo" with delight.
IV. The substance of the talk (20 min)
V. Recap using a clever mnemonic device that can be put on a t-shirt, or plastic bracelet. (5 min)
VI. Play a closing song and say thank yous (5 min)
If the talk needs to be padded:
1. Make fun of some people in the crowd (especially the "too cool" kid)
2. Make fun, for a second time, of crappy athletic team.
3. Have an extra joke on hand -- the cheesier the better
4. Catholic Calisthenics (kneeling, standing, sitting, praying postures in random and rapid order)
5. Another song, teach LOTS of hand motions. [/satire]